I didn't get on Forbes 30 under 30

but I got something way better instead ⌇ birthday reflections

Gwen Yi 🌻

Mar 07, 2024

Hi, I’m Gwen, and you’re reading

The Asian Astrologer 🪐

This week, I celebrated my 30th birthday.

A milestone I’ve been dreaming of since I was 21 years old.

Back then, I had a laundry list of things I wanted to achieve before the big 3-0:

Found a famous startup company
Invent an award-winning product
Touch the lives of 30 million people (LOL)
Get on Forbes 30 under 30 🌟

Out of everything on that list, Forbes felt like the most achievable:

I had friends populating the list every year. Throughout my entire 20’s, I would grit my teeth in envy, type the obligatory “congrats” on their Facebook posts, crossing my fingers that next year would be my year.

Today, I’m finally letting that story go.

I was, for all intents and purposes, a certified wunderkind.

I was winning global competitions and shaking hands with Obama and traveling the world before I could legally drink.

It was a busy life, but an empty one.

At 20, my entire life was geared toward achievement, the next gold star on my roster ⭐️ Competitions, conferences, exclusive communities… I added them all like badges to my chest, and wondered why I was sinking under their weight.

For the astrologically inclined, I grew up with Saturn on my Sun. I am a workaholic powerhouse. I can keep going and going and going until one day, I look around and I’m tired and lonely and wondering why I find it so hard to just take a nap.

*maybe i’ll just take a naaaa…* NAH bro we gotta hustle!!!

I left it all behind when I turned 22.

Quick pop quiz… Do you know what Saturn transit happens around this time?

I decided to drop out of college, come home to Malaysia, and reevaluate my life.

The Saturn square is a time of reckoning. If you haven’t been living in alignment with your life’s values and purpose, everything crumbles to the ground and you start anew.

At that time, I was living with my tox!c ex-boyfriend, binging Game Of Thrones and wondering what I wanted to do with this ‘one wild and precious life’.

I knew I was destined for Great Things™️ — I still had my sights set on Forbes — but WHAT?

I decided that if I didn’t have the answers, maybe talking about it would help.

I started hosting “Tribeless Dinners”. They were dinner parties with strangers and one rule: No Small Talk. I wanted a safe space to share my honest thoughts, where I wouldn’t be judged. Where I could just be.

Little did I know… I had a real knack for this kinda work. Holding space came easily for me, maybe because I’m a chronic under-sharer and much prefer to listen 🥲 I’d ask questions, offer reframes and, if I felt safe enough, share bits of my own story.

Slowly but surely, I started to heal.

Group Hug Comedy GIF by Kim's Convenience — what the inside of my ice cold heart felt like at the time

Tribeless became my full-time job.

I was basically a group therapist without a license or formal training, and I LOVED it 😆

I built up that business until it became exactly that — a business.

We branded ourselves as an ‘empathy training’ company. Invented a best-selling product (I guess I could check that off the list!). Started servicing universities, and then NGOs, and then corporate MNCs.

A watershed moment was when we facilitated a session for 200 Obama Leaders across Asia Pacific.

After months of struggle, it felt like we’d finally gotten our lucky break. The honor! The exposure! I felt like I would get Forbes for sure then…

… Of course, two months later, the world went into Covid-19 lockdowns.

And that dream shut down with it.

The pandemic accelerated my spiritual growth.

Spending every single day alone in the same four walls can do that to you.

In the solitude, unable to get out to “hustle” or network or travel or do any of the things that had occupied my existence since 2013, I was finally forced to confront a big question in my life…

Was I happy doing what I do? 🪞

Did I wake up each day with a strong sense of purpose? Did I go to bed at night at peace and excited for the next day? Did I feel calm, centered, and in flow?

The answer was a resounding NO.

I’ve never shared this with anyone, but my physical symptoms dialed up to a 100 at that time. I broke out in cystic acne that hurt to the touch. I started developing allergies to food: dairy, wheat, gluten. I eventually got diagnosed with PCOS.

My mental health wasn’t any better. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to go inward. And the answer was crystal clear:

I couldn’t keep relying on external validation for my emotional wellbeing.

Read that again twice.

An award like Forbes was great for taking photos and making viral Facebook posts.

But it was a terrible benchmark for a life worth living.

Without the pursuit of fame and achievement, my life was hollow. Meaningless.

And it took the four walls of the pandemic to help me realize that.

I started to make different choices.

As the world slowly reopened again, things at Tribeless came back full-force…

… But my drive, my ambition, my single-minded focus on Forbes was gone.

Instead, I found myself developing a deeper interest in the quiet side of life.

The things you do when no one was watching.

I started taking outdoor walks. The longer, the better. These walks… healed me. The feeling of sunshine on my skin. The freedom of being on my own two feet. Dancing along to music, not giving a sh*t if anyone saw me.

Walking brought me home to myself. I still stand by it to this day. ♡

I started making reels. Tapping back into my creativity. All the things I’d pushed aside when I was younger, thinking they were “frivolous” or “unproductive” — like community events, or friends’ performances — became things I prioritized.

I started diving deeper into Astrology. (And we all know how that panned out ;)

I started making a different set of decisions. Instead of asking myself: “Is this worth my time?”, I asked:

Will I have fun doing it? ♡

And if the answer was yes, I didn’t think twice.

Life started to look a lot different. My friends went from thinking, “Gwen is too busy to hang out”, to “Gwen will always be there.”

I SHOWED UP. For others, and myself. And I loved how it made me feel.

I was present. I was involved. I was having FUN.

I wasn’t anxious about the future, or agonizing over the past.

I was just… me. 🥹

I am now 30 years old.

And my life looks totally different than when I was 20.

At 20, I was on top of the world… but I was cut off from it, on the outside looking in. I didn’t know how to connect deeply with people. I wasn’t in touch with my own emotions. I had tons of achievements, but I woke up each day with debilitating anxiety. I didn’t know how to be happy.

Today, I am 30 years old. I didn’t achieve my lifelong goal of Forbes 30 Under 30.

But I have something way better…

Inner peace. 🥹

I have a career I adore. A community I cherish. Friends I would die for. Passions and hobbies outside of work. A deep love of walks and sunshine and 2000s pop punk and the stars.

There are things I am excited to grow into, like solo travel. There are things I am excited to level up in, like swing dancing. There are things I am excited to deepen into, like my role as an astrologer.

There are books to read and sunsets to watch and long, rambling, joyful Substacks to write. What more could I possibly want?

theasianastrologer

A post shared by @theasianastrologer

Thank you for reading. Thank you for being here.

The comments are open, so I’d love to know…

Have you ever left a dream behind? Whether by circumstance or choice, how do you feel about it now? What have you gained in its absence instead?

If you’re taking something away from this piece, the best gift would be to let me know in the comments. Receiving your words is like opening presents on Christmas morning for me 🥰🎁