Happy Monday! It is pouring rain outside — my favorite time to write. I’m sitting here, music blasting, reflecting on the incredible weekend I just had. How I put myself out there, for the first time in a very long time, and got my fire back.
On November 18, we had our long-awaited Mars Cazimi. Mars is our planet of action, passion and initiative. It rules drive — physical or otherwise ;-)1
When there’s a Mars Cazimi — which is when Mars enters the “heart of the Sun” — it’s like a cosmic reset for our drive and motivation. ☄️
Do you know what you want out of life? Are you ready to go after it?
Especially in the sign of Scorpio, where Mars feels so at home, you might’ve felt a surge of clarity over what you really want out of life. It’s like your deepest, darkest desires were cracked open, and you finally found the courage to peer into the abyss and say: “Ohhhhh. THAT’s what I want. And I’m allowed to have it?”
Yes, my love. Yes, you are. ❤️🔥
A cazimi kickstarts another 2 year cycle for Mars. It’s like he goes through a rebirth during this time. I’m still quite new to working with the planets, but I believe paying homage to Mars at this time can be fundamentally simple:
Find what you love, and go after it.
The lights burn low. I am standing on the edge of the dance floor, the music like a living thing: the crash of cymbals, the bright brass of the trumpet. I feel it in every part of me, pulsing, urging me to move. All around me, dancers leap and kick and twirl. It is like watching a language being spoken without words — and wishing, desperately, that I knew how to speak it.
“Would you like to dance?” A man materializes next to me, his forehead slick with sweat. His hand hovers in the space between us, outstretched.
“Yes,” I say brightly, placing my hand in his. We make our way onto the dance floor.
He is an enthusiastic dancer — all spins and turns. I try my best to keep up, masking my obvious lack of competence with lots of smiles and giggles. At the very least, he will walk away feeling like the most charming dancer on the floor.
When the music ends, he can’t get away from me fast enough. “Thank you,” I say to his retreating back, my heart falling into the pit in my stomach. Not for the first time, I ask myself:
“Why was I so eager to come back? Why not wait until I was better, until I’d had a proper lesson under my belt, or at least, not join an international swing festival 3 weeks into my new hobby…?”
I went for my first swing dancing social on the Full Moon in Taurus. That was 3 weeks ago. Since then, I’ve been to a total of one more.
I was there tonight at my third one ever because my best friends were performing. They’d been perfecting their routines for months, all in preparation for the big competition that would take place at KL Swing Fest 2023: a weekend-long swing dancing festival that drew seasoned dancers from all over the region.
I showed up on Friday night — the day before the Mars cazimi — with bells on.
I was in full “show mom” mode. Ready to bear witness. To cheer them on.
I didn’t expect to fall so firmly in love with the scene, too.
The atmosphere was electric. I met people who have been dancing for decades. A jovial bearded Korean man told me he'd been dancing since 2007. Another woman from San Francisco, since 2008 — it was her “non-negotiable” date night with her husband. They were both here for their 3rd social in Malaysia. She looked at me, eyebrows raised, when I told her it was my 3rd social — ever.
"That’s incredibly brave,” she said, impressed. We shared a dance together. Later that night, her husband approached me during the blues social.
“My wife says you’re a beginner,” he said with a kind grin. He twirled me slowly around the dance floor, at a speed I could keep up in. It was moments of sheer kindness like this that made me feel like I could belong here.
That it wasn’t total madness to sign up for the Black Diamond of social dancing while I was still on the bunny slopes.
That’s the influence of Mars — when you find something you love, you go after it. And I put myself so firmly out of my comfort zone this past weekend, I now feel like I can do anything. Mars cazimi in action.
Not many people know this, but I grew up doing Latin dance. 💃
It was easily one of the most traumatic experiences I’d had in girlhood.
My mom sent me there every Sunday to “maintain my figure”. Why she felt the need to do that while I was a teenager, I have no idea. But it planted the seed of my body dysmorphia: Fluorescent lighting and cheap floors and those horrible, horrible full-length mirror walls.