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return to softness ๐ŸŒธ

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return to softness ๐ŸŒธ

reflections from my first women's retreat + a poem reading!

Gwen Yi ๐ŸŒป
Jun 6, 2023
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return to softness ๐ŸŒธ

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I just finished the most decadent post-Full Moon class with Emmie (of

The Deep Rest Salon
), and it reminded me of this post Iโ€™ve yet to write โ€”

Reflections on my first womenโ€™s outdoor retreat. ๐ŸŒธ

Since coming home and falling back into the whirlwind of texts, posts, and social obligations โ€” Iโ€™d forgotten the level of pure nervous system regulation that could only exist in the company of stillness and trees.

Even though I was surrounded by 11 different women, most of whom Iโ€™d never met before, I was at peace . . . because I felt safe, nestled in the cocoon of Mother Nature. ๐ŸŒณ Something I hadnโ€™t experienced since I was a kid.

The Asian Astrologer ๐Ÿช is a community-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. Love ya!! x

My first experience being in community in nature were the Kiwanis Youth Camps I would attend as a teenager. From 13โ€”19 years old, every December would mean one thing: KYC. Weโ€™d pack our duffle bags, pile onto a bus, and take a boisterous 2-hour drive to whatever recreational center would have us that year. For 4 days and 3 nights, we would sleep in dormitories, challenge our limits with extreme nature sports, and cry over Appreciation Circles and Sugar Cubes (written love notes) over a campfire at night. It was perfect, each camp filled with all the freedom and adventure my Sag Moon could never find in the city.

I hadnโ€™t been back to nature like this since I graduated from KYC 10 years ago.

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The moment I stepped out of the car, after the long, bumpy 1.5 hour drive โ€” I was speechless. Trees, as far as the eye could see. We were nestled up a little hill, a cozy little chalet with tiny lumpy mattress โ€” stacked side-by-side, six to a room โ€” and a massive alfresco platform for our daily yoga. I dropped my bags and stepped outside. The view took my breath away.

There was no wifi connection, but at the risk of sounding cheesy, Iโ€™d never felt more connected in my life.

Doing the deep rest class prompted me to write this, because it was a reminder that the level of connection and peace Iโ€™d felt there, living outdoors for 24 hours in nature, is accessible to me in my every day life. I just need to slow down โ€” disconnect โ€” and focus on my breath.

So difficult to do in practice, but SO glorious to bask in afterward. โ˜๏ธ

When we were in Nature, time slowed to an antsโ€™ crawl. With no Internet, the only โ€œentertainmentโ€ we had was the world around us. I took glorious, ice-cold outdoor baths โ€” a total of four of them in 24 hours! Being able to see the sky while water shot out of a pipe . . . Iโ€™ll never quite forget it. Sitting on the platform, staring out at the vast expanse of greenery all around me after a particularly strenuous yoga sesh . . . it felt like a reward of the best kind. I felt so alive. So eager to meditate, to journal and go within. I wanted to be as close to Her as possible. I wanted to stay out all night.

And I did. When nighttime rolled around and our womenโ€™s circle came to a close, I pulled my lumpy mattress outside into the quiet dark. The platform was breezy, cold โ€” a far cry from the stuffy chaos of the rooms. Other women quickly followed suit. Together, we spent the night camping outdoors: with scratchy blankets to ward off the nighttime chill. I found it hard to fall sleep, that night. But I was still filled with gratitude โ€” to be able to experience, even as an adult, a night of sleeping under the stars. ๐ŸŒŒ

Itโ€™s been a week since I had this experience, and Iโ€™ve been trying to put it into words. Funnily enough, it is a phrase Chelsie Diane (@poemsandpeonies) said in her Full Moon class yesterday that finally helped me contextualize it (and Iโ€™m paraphrasing, of course!) โ€”

โ€œWeโ€™re so used to the male gaze in a patriarchal society. Itโ€™s predatory. It makes us on edge. But when weโ€™re with women, we can be ourselves. I can wear a tank top and have my flab rolls out and eat chips and you wouldnโ€™t judge me. I can be myself. Through the female gaze, I can DISCOVER myself.โ€

I felt this so viscerally at the retreat. Being with 11 other women โ€” even though we were all strangers โ€” felt oddly freeing. I felt like I could be . . . myself. Taking non-stop showers. Sleeping outdoors. Not having a stitch of make-up on. Meditating, stretching, journaling as much as Iโ€™d like. Having full permission to lean into my softness, my femininity. Having the space to explore it.

It made me reflect on how I donโ€™t really have many feminine role models in my life. All my life, Iโ€™ve always felt cut off from my femininity. I was raised by a Triple Virgo single mother โ€” she was exacting, precise, and left no room for softness. For the floaty, fluid kind of exploration my Pisces Sun craved. In that opposition was a void โ€” a void of feminine love, of honoring the inner seasons within, and giving myself a container to flow and grow and explore. ๐ŸŒฑ

Watch the FULL video I made about my experience here

Iโ€™m deeply grateful I have the means to support my own journey, now. From building a conscious community via Astrology, to making time for Deep Rest classes, to joining womenโ€™s retreats like this โ€” it is the most important work I could ever do:

Role modeling the way for other women to return to their softness, too.

Thank you for being here, friends. ๐ŸŒธ


I decided to end this post with another reading I did of Brooke Solisโ€™s poems, very aptly titled โ€œOn Softnessโ€ โ€”

1ร—
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brooke solis
brooke solis on Instagram: โ€œon softness.โ€
May 29, 2023

Enjoy. And may your days be filled with the same wondrous, gentle joy.

Love,

Gwen

โ€”

The Asian Astrologer ๐Ÿช

The Asian Astrologer ๐Ÿช is a community-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. Love ya!! x

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return to softness ๐ŸŒธ

theasianastrologer.substack.com
Luana
Writes The Lost & Found Millennial by โ€ฆ
Jun 7Liked by Gwen Yi ๐ŸŒป

Thank you so much for sharing Gwen.

I really can relate so much. I never had an example of femininity either and itโ€™s something I struggle a lot. And yet this message to come back to my divine feminine keeps coming back to me over and over again. Itโ€™s a reminder for me to come back home to my self and I loved your experience in the womenโ€™s retreat. It was inspiring ๐Ÿ’•

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ann.mariekhor
Jun 6Liked by Gwen Yi ๐ŸŒป

Big hugs Gwen, this was sooooo well written and I devoured it so fast ๐Ÿคญ I just absolutely love the way you put this experience into words โ€“ it's something I thought of a lot in the past few months. Surrounding myself with so many strong women and so much femininity, it is so "unlike me" and yet feels so much like home.

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