showing up is an act of devotion π
writing what I want to write π β new moon in Virgo ritual
βββ¦ SCROLL DOWN FOR A SPECIAL NEW MOON IN VIRGO RITUAL β¦ββ
The words have felt stuck for a while now, like water dribbling slowly out of a rusty old pipe. I could feel the moment they came back; it felt like a dam breaking β I am standing dirty, unshowered, squinting into my laptop without my spectacles on in a bid to get all of them down in time.
We are currently at 160 of us (oops, 158 β it seems two people unsubbed after my most recent TMI-sharing) here on this Substack. 158 people who care enough about my words to be here. Most days, this feels like an unimaginable blessing . . . but lately, as retrograde season drones on and everything feels sluggish and slow and I just want to curl up in bed and binge-read thrillers β I have to admit it has felt more like a burden. π
I was on a podcast recently as a guest, and we got to talking about writing.
Out of all the identities Iβve ever held β founder, facilitator, and now, astrologer β I have always most identified with βwriterβ. From journals, to blogs, to long Facebook captions, words have always been where I sought solace, where I went to think, to heal, to feel. My first ever blog, housed on Blogspot and boasting the kind of name that only a pretentious teenager could concoct as a double-entendre β Psychobabble β went live in 2008.
Iβm 29 now. 15 years. 15 years of writing on the Internet. π
That deserves some sort of trophy, I think.
(My keyboard first auto-corrected that to βtherapyβ. βThat too,β I concede.)
Is it weird, then, that even after more than a decade of writing online, the kind of pieces I like best β that I wish I could write β that I wish people would pay to read β are the kind of rambling, slow, confessional diary-like posts, like this one? Where it feels like the author is sitting down with a hot beverage, and opening up a window into their mind, their life, their heart . . . and we have the immense soul privilege of taking a peek inside? π
Thatβs how I feel, writing this, tears slowly trickling down my cheeks. It is a privilege to write for you, but first, I think I need to write for me, too.
β whatβs been happening lately β
I went on my first digital detox, and I LOVED it. It came out of nowhere β I was doing a reading for
and the homework we agreed on at the end was for her to go on a 24-hour phone detox. βIβll do it too,β I giggled. The very next day, I handed my phone over to my partner Shawn and told him to keep it from me at all costs. Immediately, it felt like the biggest weight off my shoulders. Suddenly, I could breathe again. My mind was my own; I could be present, calm, attentive β not caught up in the constant swirl of notifications and messages and dopamine hits. I ended up spending the loveliest Venus day at my friendβs new healing space, doodling on the balcony and staring out at nothing. It had been months since Iβve gone that long without stimulation, my itchy fingers always reaching for my phone, cβmon, just another hit. I realized, with a start, that I was addicted. Covid normalized it, made it a necessity β how else were we to connect with the world? β but I needed to make different choices, now. And Iβve decided to break free: because that day taught me that all the things Iβve wanted and craved β connection, presence, that elusive sense of freedom β lay on the other side of my phone addiction. βοΈItβs been a week since, and Shawn has been confiscating my phone for hours each day. Itβs like a twisted version of Treasure Hunt β he hides it somewhere in his study, so I canβt find it. Itβs helping. I am gaining a richer awareness of how often I try to ask for it; how deep this addiction goes. Iβll keep yβall posted. Wish me luck, ok? π
Iβve been guesting on podcasts a lot, which is very Virgo-szn-lighting-up-my-3rd-house of me, and this one came out today. Safeera is an absolute ball of sunshine, and our conversation flowed like two gal-pals who were introduced by a mutual friend hitting it off and having a laugh in a coffee-house. (Oh wait, thatβs exactly how Saf described it!)
In it, I open up about my journey as a creative & writer β from Psychobabble to Substack, and all the twists, turns and triumphs in-between. I talk about how much it means to me, to make money from my writing: a dream Iβd harbored since I was 14 years old. And towards the end, we chat about Astrology and my βlove storyβ with it π₯Ή (I made this video essay yesterday, I think, partially in response to it.)I spoke on another podcast recently, with the inimitable Hannah McKenna. She invited me to shed light on βsome Astrology basicsβ, which brought me back to a year ago, when I had just started Astrology school. Itβs wild how fast things have changed β the shift from student to teacher. There are days when reality still hasnβt caught up with me and I find myself needing to stop myself from saying, βThanks, but maybe you can get a real expert to chime in insteadβ¦?β
Everything has just happened so quickly, over this past year β from completing all 3 levels and graduating, to growing my following, and being considered a colleague (βοΈ) by astrologers Iβve followed for years and deeply respect. This Virgo New Moon is the first time itβs all really sinking in, and I find myself looking back and marveling at all the progress but also feeling very, suddenly, desperately tired. Iβm learning to be okay with it all.
βββ¦ βοΈ VIRGO NEW MOON RITUAL π β¦ββ
The Virgo New Moon is coming up on September 14th, at 9:39PM ET (the next day for us in Australasia). It heralds the end of Mercury Retrograde, which magically started when Virgo season began. The word that comes to mind is βa fresh startβ. We are uniquely equipped to set intentions, now, before Eclipse season begins.
Virgo, as an archetype, is about refinement. Its analytical prowess and attention to detail equips us with the discernment we need to make new choices β like me with the realization about my phone addiction. π€³ We may be paying more attention to our health and bodies, now (another area Virgo rules over), or simply having a clean slate. I think itβs fascinating that it coincides with the end of some pretty significant retrogrades, which usually heralds a time of reflection and integration.
β Hereβs how Iβll be working with this New Moon:
βοΈ Iβm going to be writing a letter to myself, from my younger self.
The idea emerged from a reading I did (watch this video for the full story), and took on a life of its own. Virgo is known for being nit-picky, perfectionistic, and always wanting to get things βrightβ . . . but thereβs nothing more humbling than looking back and seeing how far youβve come, from the eyes of your inner child.
βββ¦ Hereβs how it works: β¦ββ
Set your space. Light a candle. Bonus points if you can put on some music from your younger years β Iβve been listening to this Butch Walker song on repeat!
Set out all your materials: be as extra as you can. Stationery, glitter pens, color pencils, stickers, . . . GO WILD! π Whatever makes your Little Me giggle :)
Time for the main event. Close your eyes, and call in your younger self. Imagine how she looks. What age is she? What is she wearing? Hand her a pen, in your mindβs eye. Tell her, βI want to hear from you. What do you want to say to me?β
Open your eyes, and let her words pour forth from your hand. βοΈ For bonus points, you can use your non-dominant hand. See what comes through!
Give this process as long as it needs. When youβre done, read the final letter out loud to yourself. Let your inner childβs words take up space. It will feel good to give voice to them β let yourself really hear them. After that, you have two options:
If there is a lot of grief on the page, feel free to tear it up or burn it. Imagine letting go of these emotions as it burns. This is an alchemical act β you are releasing your inner child, and therefore yourself, of this burden. I love you!
If there is a lot of pride and celebration on this page β I invite you to honor it! Frame it up, stick it in your bujo, make it special. πΈ
β If you end up trying this challenge, comment and let me know! β€΅οΈ β
Thatβs it from me! What a whopper of a newsletter β I feel so light already. Writing has always been cathartic for me, as evidenced by my 14-year-old self. I took a trip down memory lane as I was writing this, looking through my old Psychobabble blog, and it fills me with pride and grief that my younger self went through so much alone . . . but here we are, 15 years later, connecting with hundreds of people around the world with our words, and it feels like second nature.
And then I catch myself, and remember: Thatβs because it is.
Till the next one,
Gwen x
β
Love love love this one Gwen! π I am totally trying this ritual later too!
Beautiful post Gwen! I love the concept of writing as a diary entry and Iβm embracing that more. I was just writing this morning about how tired I am π so we are on the same wavelength there with the new moon. What a beautiful ritual you offered. Blessings to everyone who tries this letter from a younger self ππ»π