rebirth in the spiral 💮

a glimpse into my first spiritual women's retreat ⌇ Libra eclipse portal - part two

Welcome back to Part Two of my break-up story. You can read Part One here.

Every time there is massive change in my life, you can chalk it up to Eclipse season. Getting estranged from my sister. Starting this Substack.

And now, separating from the love of my life.

For the past 1.3 years, the eclipses have been happening primarily in the signs of Aries and Libra.

This is the axis of relationships — how do we keep our personal sovereignty, while still honoring the fullness of the Other?

Libra’s shadow is disempowerment through “crowdsourcing” opinions. Taking everyone else’s needs into account until you drown out your own voice. Libra is the ultimate shapeshifter, editing their needs and desires to keep the peace until one day, they look around and realize, gosh, I don’t really know what I truly want anymore. I don’t even know what I want for dinner!

I have spent so long living in the shadow of Libra that it feels scary to own that I am ready to step into my Aries light. The ram. The warrior.

Aries is the opposite of Harmony. It bangs into the wall before changing directions. It’s the epitome of “ask for forgiveness, not permission”.

In the years since I’ve lost my spark, I forgot what it feels like to just DO something unapologetically. To own my own decisions and consequences wholeheartedly. To enjoy the spoils of war I fight and win on my own.

That’s what keeps me going in this separation.

Beyond the pain and the grief and the loneliness, I know there is a spark of hope waiting for me…

A life that is fully and truly Mine.

We have an Aries Full Moon coming up this week. 🌕 I write Full Moon horoscopes for paid readers every month! Join us for 20% off

“Ladies, welcome to the Spiral,” Beatrice, our shaman and facilitator, says. We are standing outside under the midday Sun. She holds a handmade shaman drum in her hand.

“The Spiral has long been a symbol of death and rebirth. When we enter the Spiral, we shed everything that no longer serves us. We place an offering in the center, as a representation of all that we are letting go of. And then we retrace our steps back out — and emerge reborn."

She looks at each of us in turn. “Let us begin.”

I was the last to enter the Spiral. 🌀 As I watched my fellow women walk, stumble, shake and cry in the ritual, I felt an inexplicable rage burning inside me. Sacred Aries fire. I burned for all the times I gave my power away. All the times I told myself it didn’t matter. All the times I simpered and pleaded and begged and cajoled for someone else to love me. For someone to save me.

Fuck that. I’m going to save myself.